A New Plan

Allright, December starts this week. This is scary for me. I am starting a new plan. I'm calling it "The 160 Plan". Because it sounded kinda catchy and because my goal is to get to 160 pounds. I haven't been that low for many, many years. It's time to stop letting things hold me back.

Today is Day 1. I don't know how many days this will last, but I'm giving myself until the end of April to accomplish this. This includes losing 10 pounds a month, give or take. So from now until April 30th is 154 days. 22 weeks. That's almost half a year! Surely I can lose 40 pounds in that amount of time. No matter that I've been trying to lose those 40 pounds for however many years...This time I have a PLAN!

I planned this stuff up all Thanksgiving weekend. Printed out loads of information, put my binders together, made lots of goals and broke them down into monthly and weekly actions. So I have a plan, today is day 1 and I did GREAT! i ate well and worked out. Went to Curves and did the circuit there, then went to the gym and walked 30 minutes on the treadmill. I soooo wanted to get off before my 30 minutes were up, but I didn't. I stuck it out and I am proud of myself.

It's getting cold outside and I know that if I don't force myself to workout then I will end up at home under the covers eating as much sugar as possible. So i have to remain disciplined. There is much to be done.

OFF TO THE RACES!!

Where did I leave off?

I forgot how much I liked doing this, keeping track of things & what's going on. It's been almost a year since I quit recording things. And yet, some things are still the same. How does that happen?

• Yes, I'm still having my heart broken by the same guy. We go in spurts. This time it is my fault. I kind of got an attitude with him when he didn't get me anything for my birthday. I went down there & we had a great time until it was time for me to leave. Then I seem to always fall apart. He is ignoring me now & I think it is ok. I think we have run our course. There are a lot of things that I want to change but it just wasn't meant to be. I do care for him deeply and do consider myself in love with him. But sometimes I'm not sure why.
• I got off my thyroid medicine & paxil early in January. Not exactly sure why. Just lazy & I was broke and didn't want to go back to the doctor. But I finally did it last week and got back on my prescriptions. I do feel better already and know that is the reason I gained weight and just felt like total crap.
• Weight is and always has been an issue. I'm back to dieting again. so far so good. I set up a tracking system and really need to be stringent about tracking my food and exercise. I was at my heaviest weight at 218 last week but am now down to 213.5 as of this morning. I went & had my eyes read and she put me on liver cleanse to clean out my  liver plus licorice which helps to curb the craving for sweets. That has really  helped. I haven't had cravings for soda pop or chocolate at all lately.

This is all for now. I hope to record my thoughts & what is going on to maybe help me become a better person.

Shoulda cut my losses

If he knew he wasn't in it for the long run then he should have let me cut my losses and move on. He knew I was getting emotionally involved. It was selfish of him to keep me going. Or did I see the signs and not heed the warnings?

It will get better. One of these days I will be able to not think of him constantly. I will not be so depressed. I won't feel like crying over it all the time. I just wish it would hurry up and get better.

I knew it would hurt

I can't be too mad at him. I knew what I was getting into. I knew I was starting to get too attached and I would just get hurt. Yet I couldn't help myself.

I can't make you talk to me, can't make you share things with me. I can't make you fall in love with me. Yet you became such a part of my life, of my family's life that I couldn't help but become attached to you and fall in love with you. Head over heels in love.

I AM

I am what I think

I am what I eat